How to Help Your Teen Build & Maintain Friendships
Social Skills for Teens · Make Friends in Middle School
Is your teenager struggling to connect? Making friends during the middle and high school years can be challenging, but it's not impossible. This guide offers practical, therapist-approved strategies to help your teen develop authentic, lasting social skills and boost their confidence.
By: Ellen McSpadden, M.A., CCC‑SLP, CAS
Build the Foundation: Natural, Repeated Interactions
I have worked with many teens who ask, "How do I make friends?" The key is teaching the right combination of mindset and skills to foster genuine, confident connections.
Friendships thrive when they develop naturally through repeated exposure, what psychologists call the mere exposure effect. The more time your teen spends with someone, the more comfortable they become.
So, encourage shared interests. Suggest clubs, sports, or volunteer projects that align with your teen's passions. This provides a built-in common interest, making conversation easier. Even one shared activity can spark a new friendship.
Encouraging teens to embrace their interests—like gaming, writing, or hiking—provides natural opportunities for friendship. Joining groups based on shared interests offers a head start to connecting.
Practice Core Conversation Skills
Strong social skills—including active listening, asking thoughtful questions, and responding with empathy—require practice. Teach your teen how to:
Be Observant: Notice their surroundings before starting or joining a conversation
Show Genuine Curiosity: Focus on open-ended questions about the other person and their experience ("What did you like best about that game?"), rather than just facts or themselves
Demonstrate Interest: Use eye contact, nods, and brief verbal affirmations to show they are engaged
Read Social Cues: Watch for signs of interest or disinterest to guide the flow of the conversation
These simple tools are the difference between awkward small talk and a meaningful connection.3. Navigate Shared Interests and Digital Communication
Navigating Shared Interests & Text Chains
Friendships also extend into the digital world. Being actively engaged and reliable in text chains or group chats helps teens stay socially included. This is often difficult to get right, and supported practice in crafting messages is wise to ensure their intentions are clearly communicated.
Handling Conflict with Confidence
Disagreements and bumps are inevitable in any friendship. Teach your teen to first calm themselves, then address issues clearly and respectfully. A statement like, "I felt hurt when you said ____. Can we talk about it?" can transform conflict into an opportunity for growth and build long-lasting relationships.
For complex issues like bullying, rumors, or gossip, specialized, practical approaches are needed. We must understand the teenage perspective to offer truly helpful and effective advice.
Practice Makes Progress
Encourage regular social "rehearsal," perhaps through roleplay with family or in a structured setting like our PEERS® Social Skills Groups for Teens and Tweens in Middle & High School. Practice builds preparedness and confidence. Teens with robust social skills have better mental health, adaptability, and resilience.
Final Takeaway
Meaningful friendships in middle school and beyond are not accidental. They are built through repeated interactions, curiosity, empathy, and respectful communication. With the right strategies and a little practice, your teen can develop the meaningful connections essential for their confidence and wellbeing.
Next Steps to Support Your Teen
Encourage them to join a local activity or group that aligns with their interests
Practice conversations at home, focusing on the beginning, middle, and end of the interaction
Consider a PEERS Social Skills Group Program for consistent, real-life practice reinforcement
Feel free to reach out to Cheerful Chatter Speech-Language Services if you'd like support in areas including Cinnaminson, Cherry Hill, Deptford, Evesham, Moorestown, Voorhees, or Philadelphia. Telehealth support is also available throughout New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Georgia. Let's help your teen thrive socially!
